He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
