Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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