I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
