My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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