She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize