i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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