if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
