Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
