Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
