the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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