My first STD was from a foam party
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize