I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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