did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
