i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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