so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
