He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
