What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
