What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
