Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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