Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
