I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
