i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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