I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
