Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
