i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
