for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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