In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
