I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
