So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
