can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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