Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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