Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
