That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
handjob tips. give me some.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
There's always time for handjobs
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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