You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
