gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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