; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
did i just pee glitter
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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