The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
the raccoons are back...
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