My hand turned me down
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize