you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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