I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
