Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
