apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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