In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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