At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Oh god it's open bar.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
