Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
