guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
