it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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