they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I'm really busy with my period
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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