oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Your cock deserves a montage
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
