you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
