he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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