guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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