i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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