I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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