I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
