Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
