I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
