Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
