I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
