we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
