phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
