Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize