He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
