so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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