god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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