If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
