If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
