So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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