apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
