the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
