i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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