my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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