fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
